STRONG OPINIONS FROM ROB: on swear words-

the topic of swear words has come up quite a bit over the last few weeks- I thought I would put down some thoughts about it.

we just had my mom's funeral- I made an announcement to my family members that went something to the effect of, "we will be in a church. please refrain from swearing in your sharing." did they? no.
In all honesty, I was embarrassed by it. my brother later came up to me and said, "do you think that your church-friends were offended by that language?" I said, "no. they swear in front of me all the time."

which leads me to another thought: everyone swears around me.
everyone.
like, every single person I know.
not just the PG-13 words- even the rated R ones. most of the people I hang around with either go to church or work at church. what does this mean? does it mean that I'm a safe person and people know that if they swear around me that they won't be judged? maybe they see me as a bit lower than super-pastors and feel more comfortable to swear around me? maybe they assume that they will find a swearing-buddy in me? do I look like a cusser?

when I was in middle school, I accidentally said a swear word in front of my mother. she called me out on it and I was humiliated. which is funny because neither she or my dad had any issue using swear words themselves.

I get it though. sometimes a swear-word is the perfect word for a given situation. I'm sure that there are times when swearing feels like a relief or even cathartic.

which leads me to another thought: I don't swear. ever.
I didn't swear much before I became a Christian, and it wasn't too hard for me to stop after being a Christian. I don't struggle with that at all. in a lot of ways, I think swearing is sort of a litmus test for a person's perceived commitment to Christ. when I was a kid, I would go to church and see friends from school there. for some, I would say, "I didn't know they were a Christian, but now that I think about it, that makes sense to me." for others I would say, "THAT KID is a Christian?! have you heard their words? I have a hard time believing that." I remember a time growing up when my brother brought a friend from school over to the house. I overheard my brother tell his friend that I worked at church. his friend had one question: does your brother cuss? and my brother said, "I have never heard my brother cuss." even now I listen to people's words and it gives me an indicator of where they are in their commitment to obeying God right now.

which leads me to another thought: tv is bleeping fewer words. lately the S-word is being un-bleeped on many shows. but- hey, I'm a grown-up. I can watch tv shows that don't bleep the S-word right? I was watching a show on netflix that was not bleeping the S-word. my daughter came in the room and I warned her, "there might be some swearing on this show." she asked me, "why would you even watch a show like that?" it was a good question, and I felt convicted by her words. we watch this show about tattooing and they stopped bleeping the S-word. unfortunately, that's pretty much their favorite word on the show. even though its a show about some amazing art and talented artists, I reluctantly told my kid, "I don't think we should watch this show." she gave me zero-protest. I was a little blue because its a cool show, but I was impressed with her commitment to use good words and to make good choices with the media she consumes.

I was speaking about this recently in student ministry, and a student came up to me later and told me that it was unreasonable for a Christian to not use swear words. she told me that she swears all the time and so do her friends. I see friends on facebook all the time sharing their favorite bible verse, and then the next day use profanities to describe how they are feeling or what they think about something. I heard a ministry leader use profanities on a phone call with a volunteer. now- it seems that I'm hearing more and more profanities from politicians and on the news.
it just seems out of place.
its not just unprofessional, its really a lapse in Christian obedience.

a lot has changed since I first became a Christian, and first became a Christian leader. back then Christian leaders didn't get tattoos, they didn't watch rated -R movies, they didn't drink alcohol or visit bars, and they certainly didn't use profanities. I can accept that I'm from a different time and a different generation, but I think this is beyond generational trends- there are bible verses about not using profanities and choosing godly words.

reading through this, I feel like I'm sounding legalistic or boasting about myself. I'm nowhere close to being perfect, nowhere. but does that mean we shouldn't even try? at this point, I could insert a bunch of bible verse about words, or obedience but that's not necessary.

in the end, I'm not going to start swearing. but if you swear around me, I won't freak out about it. I really believe that our words tell others about us, and like it or not, a person's words tell me about their heart.
my encouragement for my Christian friends is the same encouragement that I give to my students: chose good words. your words open or close doors for you. they are a big part of a person's first impression of you. and once our words are spoken, they can never be unspoken.

I like this one from ephesians: "do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

what if we only used helpful words? what kids of future could we create for ourselves? how many people could we bless? what would that do to our own hearts?

God is love.
-rev-rob

memorial service for granny-

as some of you know, my mother passed away last month. she didn't really have a church home or a pastor that she knew, so finding a place for her funeral service became a little tricky. my mother loved being outdoors and she loved gardening most of all. so it was very important to my family members that we hold her funeral service outside in a garden if possible. the church that my uncle goes to allowed us to have the service in their prayer garden. 

I have spoken at funerals like this, where the person being honored didn't have a pastor. as a speaker I end up speaking about someone that I never knew, and doing my best to communicate the parts of their life that had been communicated to me. I didn't want that for my mom- so I decided to deliver the eulogy myself. I thought that I could do it without any problem- but about a minute into it, I became uncontrollably emotional. 

my mom touched so many people with her life, and so many came out to honor her. many shared the impact that she had on their lives. also- many stepped in to help facilitate the service. my uncle provided cakes, my cousins provided a special video and flowers. my brother took care of the chairs, my grandpa graciously covered many of the costs; deanna made the program. my brother gave a fun and moving tribute, so did her brothers and her nieces- who she loved as her own daughters. 

here are the words that I spoke that day- they are just a fraction of the memories that I have; they are just a fraction of the her qualities that I could have highlighted; they are just a fraction of the words that I could have said. 

On behalf  of my brother, and my extended family, I would like to thank you for being here with us today. my mom loved all of you and would have been delighted to see you and catch up with you. If she were here with us today, she would tell us the names of all of the flowers here, and she would have gone home with a pocket full of clippings.

OBITUARY

Karen Roberta Williams-Walter passed away on September 16, 2019.

She was born on November 19, 1955 and spent her childhood in Gustine, CA with her parents Roger and Bernice Williams, and her siblings Robert and Christine Williams.

Karen had an amazing zeal for life and a sunny disposition that left a mark on all who knew her.

She was quick to celebrate the small and big moments of life and was known for her thoughtful cards and packages.

Karen spent many happy hours in her gardens, finding joy in bringing beauty to a quiet corner.

She was an avid reader and movie watcher and could never resist a good mystery or fantasy story.

During hard times, Karen was sustained by prayer and her faith in Christ.

Karen filled her home – and our lives – with music and color. She will be greatly missed.

Karen was preceded in death by her parents. She is survived by her two children, Rob and Josh;

as well as her granddaughter Jane, her siblings Robert and Christine, and her many beloved nieces and nephews.

PERSONAL REMARKS

Before I continue, I want to recognize my brother Josh for his faithful care and support for my mother.

Josh left his home in New York to care for my mom several years ago.

He has taken much time off of work to care for her; and he spent countless hours with her with doctors, and nurses.

I am convinced that without Josh's help, my mother would not have had the quality of life that she enjoyed in her last months.

thank you Josh.

Later on today, we will have the opportunity to share a story about my mom, but let me be the first.

when I was in the 7th grade, I went to Prescott senior elementary here in Modesto.

on February 25, 1988, I had an especially good day.

the PE department at Prescott scheduled a day where the students would wrestle each other, and I pinned an 8th grade boy named Derek, who was an accomplished wrestler.

also on the day, I had asked a girl named Tina if she would date me and she said yes.

I couldn't wait to get home and tell my mom the news.

our house was on a farm on Ladd rd, and the house was about a mile from where the school bus dropped me off;

and I ran all the way home with my backpack on my back.

I told my mom the news and said, "this should be robby walter day!"

my mom dropped everything and decided that february 25th was now robby walter day.

she baked a cake and threw a party. she got me a special present.

and she has sent me a card, and a present and has given me a phone call on every February 25th since 1988.

that's what my mom was like: she loved to celebrate.

she could take an ordinary day and make it a holiday.

she was creative. she put others before herself.

she was a giver. she was thoughtful, and she knew how special it was to receive a gift, and a card, and to be celebrated.

many of you have received her thoughtful cards, gifts and voicemails.

as I have been interacting with her friends and family over the last few weeks, the word that continues to come to the surface is this word light.

she was a bright light of encouragement, and laughter.

she lit up every room that she was in with her laugh and her quirky hair style and clothes.

she was a bright light for all of us, because she genuinely loved all of us.

the bible tells us in 2 Corinthians 5, " For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.  Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling,  because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked.  For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.  Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come."

the tent of the body that my mother's heart lived in has now been destroyed, and now she lives forever in Glory with Christ-

no longer in a perishable tent, but in an immortal house- build not by human hands.

she lives with Christ forever in heaven, and we look forward to that day when we will be reunited with her.

My mother taught me so many things:

she taught me to love music and musicians like elvis presley, aretha franklin, and james taylor.

she taught me to love plants, and gardens and nurseries.

she taught me to love animals.

she taught me the value of a thoughtful letter sent in the mail- and many of us here have recieved her thoughtful notes in the mail.

she taught me to love books and bookstores.

she modeled for me how to be loving and supportive of my own daughter.

she showed me to how to have faith and to love God in even the most difficult times;

and now, for her, her difficult times are now over.

at a service like this, we use words like always and never.

today we will say, Karen always did this, or she never did that-

what are the always' and the nevers in your life?

what always' and nevers' describe you?

these are the things that we will be remembered for.

I'm sure that if you were honest with yourself, there are some good always' and nevers, and there are some that you don't want remembered-

we can choose that course now and today-

we are able to choose how we will be remembered by the things that we always and never do.

and you can choose the way that you live and will be remembered even today.

at this time I'm going to welcome my brother Josh to say a few words:

succulents, suffering and 2 corinthians

its been so long since I've posted here-
here is something I have been ruminating on:

our latest obsession is succulents. we have been browsing them in stores and online, we have been putting them in pots and planters, we love them. succulents are quirky plants. they grow into weird shapes and colors. they come in every color of the rainbow, and you can find them mimicking geometric shapes and designs. we have seen succulents that grow in the shape of stars, a dragon's mouth, plus-signs, squares, even one that looks just like a cherry lifesaver.

when it comes to the care of succulents, the main bit of advice is: let them dry out. don't water them very often; resist the urge to water them at all. I have been often told that too much water with make their roots rotten, and can actually kill them. they grow in the desert, in the rocks, under the hot sun. they are hearty plants. they are strong and hard to kill. even when they are out of the soil, their roots will grow and search for soil, or something to attach to. they hoard water and save it inside themselves.  they are amazing.

that's one thought that I have been thinking about- here is a second one- and I think they overlap. I have been memorizing the book of 2 Corinthians over the last few months. and it has a lot to say about comfort and distress. the first appearance of this idea is in 2 corinthians 1:8 where Paul talk about a recent difficult episode, he says, " We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death." I have often wondered what was going on here. what is this great pressure that paul was dealing with? what was pressuring him so much that he "despaired even of life?" in the next line he says, "But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers." I think Paul is saying, "God had a purpose for this trial- it was to pull me closer to Himself. it was to push me to stop relying on myself and lean on God."

probably the most famous mention of suffering and distress is 2 Corinthians 12:7 where Paul shares, " To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me." what do you think this was? was it a physical ailment? he had lived a difficult life. in 2 Corinthians he shares about surviving beatings and stonings- that must have left him nearly crippled. was this thorn supernatural? he calls it a messenger from satan. he doesn't say. here is the part that breaks my heart: "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I imagine paul crying out to God and asking Him for relief from this thorn- and God did not grant his request. what was that like? it had to be heartbreaking. God tells him, "I'm not taking this away. its staying with you. when you are strong you rely on yourself, when you are weak you rely on Me." God was using this thorn to pull Paul closer to himself. even Paul needed to grow closer to God. He continues, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

so these 2 thoughts have been sitting together in my brain- paul growing stronger through weakness- and my succulents growing bigger and more vibrant when I deny them water. maybe God is like me with my plants thinking, "I should water them. they look really dry. I'm sure they will be happier with water." but I know that they will do better when they dry out. they will be stronger. they will grow flowers, their roots will dig deep, and their petals will reach toward the sun if I deny them the comfort of a cool splash of water.

maybe we are like the succulents- wondering when will we ever be watered? but God is like a gardener, and He knows just what we need and when. He knows what will bring out the best in us.

I think that mostly, we are like Paul- living with thorns and asking for them to be removed. and just like with Paul, God tells us that His grace is sufficient for this day and this season. we don't need anything more. He tells us that when we are weak, then we are strong, because when we are weak that we stop leaning on ourselves, and draw closer in depending on Him. and just like paul we can say, "for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

just like my plants, when they are dry, they are actually growing.
it doesn't make sense does it? in the end paul says, "I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." just like a succulent, he says, "I want to grow. and this is the way that I'm growing."

God is love.
-rev-rob