lectio divina:: lamentations 3

I don’t know if anyone still reads this, but I wanted to write these thoughts down, so that I wouldn’t forget them. 

Over the last several years, I have been thinking a lot about mental health, negative thoughts, having the right mindset, and reframing past trauma. just the other day I was reading in the book of lamentations, and it seems like the author, Jeremiah, is thinking about all of the same things. 

Jeremiah had a good reason to struggle with his mental health. He was a prophet of God since he was a child, and he was given the task of delivering bad news to the nation of Israel. His job was to warn Israel about an attack from the Babylonian empire; and unfortunately for him, no one listened to his message or believed him. As a result, he was humiliated, and eventually imprisoned. On top of all of that, he witnessed the invasion from Babylon and the destruction of Israel with his own eyes. Bible scholars call him the weeping prophet. Lamentations are his songs of grief. 

In lamentations chapter 3, Jeremiah lists out the many reasons he has for grief. And then he says, “I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.”

Twice he uses this phrase, “I remember." To me, Jeremiah is revealing where his mind and thoughts are. his mind and thoughts are on the past and on his pain; and the result is depression. he says “my soul is downcast within me.”

There is a link between where he is focusing his thoughts and his mental health. He continues, “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning;     great is your faithfulness.”

Again, he talks about his mindset and his mental focus: he says, “yet a call this to mind.” Instead of putting his mental focus on the pain of the past, he intentionally shifts his mental focus to God and his faithfulness; and the result is a change in his mental health. he says because of his new mindset, he now has hope. 

In verse 24 he says, “I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;”

He uses this phrase, “I say to myself…" To me, this says that he is speaking to himself and coaching himself to be disciplined in where he puts his mental focus. He is making a deliberate choice not to dwell on the past, but to focus his thoughts on God‘s goodness, faithfulness and kindness to him. 

I certainly don’t have the story that Jeremiah has, but I have seen my own share of grief over the last several years. This passage is a good reminder to develop the habit of asking myself where my mental focus is in any given moment.
Am I dwelling on the pain of the past? What is that doing for me?
Just like Jeremiah, it is only producing more grief.
This is a good reminder to be disciplined to change my mental focus and to remember all of the good things that God is doing and has done for me.
Just like Jeremiah, that shift will result in moving my heart from grief to hope.

I meet with my friend Mike every week and talk with him about these things. He often uses a metaphor about a record player. He often says “you need to change the record that is playing in your mind. You need it to change that record from the negative one to the positive one.”

A couple of years back, I read a book that challenged me to ask my thoughts three questions, 1. Is this thought true? If it’s not true, then I need to stop thinking it.
2. Is this thought helpful? By thinking this thought, am I helping myself? If not, then I need to be disciplined to stop thinking that thought.
3. Is this thought kind? Would I say the negative things that I am thinking about myself to a friend? If I did, would they still want to be my friend? If not, then, why would I say this thought to myself? I’m only being rude to myself.

In 2 Corinthians 10:5, the apostle Paul writes “we take captive every thought, to make it obedient to Christ.”
Again, this speaks to the habit that we need to take ownership of what we’re thinking, to ask ourselves where our mindset is, and to be disciplined to choose a better and more helpful thought.

There are some people that I know that are so good at this and they do it instinctively and effortlessly. for others, like me, we need some reminders to be more disciplined in our where our thoughts are being focused. 

Just like Jeremiah, it’s easy for me to let my thoughts veer toward the pain of the past, but it’s a much better choice to stop those thoughts, to change my mind, and to focus on the good things that God has done, is doing, and will do for me. 
 

God is love. 

– rev-rob

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3 questions for my thoughts:

Its been awhile since I have posted here! I almost forgot how to use this site!

I wrote an episode for my church's podcast- we are going through a series on identity in Christ, and I wrote about identity, but I also wrote about what I'm learning about overthinking, and nagging and negative thoughts. I have been studying this topic for a message series that I'm going to give to my students next month and I have been reading a lot on this topic. By far, my favorite book on this subject was written by 2 high school girls, L.E. and McCrae Acuff in their fantastic book, Your New Playlist. Here are some thoughts on identity in Christ and negative thinking from your pal rob:

Welcome back to the 3Crosses podcast! My name is Rob Walter and I'm the high school pastor here at the church. One of the things that God has been teaching me these days is this idea of taking captive my nagging and negative thoughts. I have grown to be so passionate about this and I have been reading a lot about this topics and I often talk about this topic with students friends and colleagues. I believe there is a connection between taking captive our nagging and negative thoughts and understanding our identity in Christ.

I don't know about you, but I often struggle with nagging and negative thoughts. In moments of stress and weakness I hear thoughts like, "you're not good enough; you'll never be good enough." "People reject you. No one likes you." "You'll never be as good or as popular or as effective as this person or that person." "You're not very good at this." What happens when we let thoughts like that roam around in our minds? We could repel people, we could be neutralized in our ministry for God, we could miss out on good opportunities that God has for us. We could not only damage our relationships and our opportunities, but we could literally do damage to ourselves.

The Bible tells us in 2 Corinthians 10:5 "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." In my studies on this topic, I have learned to apply this verse to my nagging and negative thoughts in three ways:

The first habit that I'm implementing is to identify that thought. Take it captive. Write it down. Say it out loud. When thoughts like these swirl around in our minds late at night or throughout the day, they are so powerful; but when w get them out in the open and into the light, they lose their power. So when I hear a negative thought, I write it down in my journal or on a list in my notes app. I say out loud, "I'm hearing a thought that says that I'll never be good enough." Recently I was having coffee at Cafe 4 with a friend and we were talking about this topic and I said, "I have this negative thought that says I'll never be good enough." The look on her face took all of the power away from that thought. She looked stunned. She asked, "Why are you thinking that? You should stop thinking that. Its not true."

That leads me to the second habit that I'm implementing: ask my thought three questions. These three questions have changed my thinking so profoundly in recent months; i learned them from L.E. and McCrae Acuff in their fantastic book, Your New Playlist.
Question 1 is: "Is this thought true?" Is it even true? This goes back to knowing what is true about our identity in Christ. When I hear a thought that says "I'll never be enough," I can remember that in Christ I am enough. According to the Bible I'm more than a conqueror; I'm created in Christ to do good works; I am a child of God and God loves me. I am a temple of the holy Spirit and God lives in my heart. In Philippians 4:8 Paul gives us a list of things to focus our mind on. He says, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." The very first thing on Paul's list is to think about things that are true. If they are not true, then you shouldn't think them; or like my friend said to me, "stop thinking that! Its not true."

Like I said, I ask my thoughts 3 questions, the first one is, "is this true?" The second one is, "is this helping me?" If this thought isn't helping me, I should stop thinking it. I was talking with a high school guy recently and he shared that he has a thought that he will never be good at chemistry. It will always be hard for him. He will never get higher than a B in chemistry. First of all, that thought isn't true, he can get good at it with the right help and resources, but its also not helpful. Thinking that thought over and over is not going to help him get an A. When you have a negative thought ask yourself, "is this helpful? Is thinking this thought helping me with my goals or fixing my problem?" If not helpful, then you should stop thinking it. You have control over the thoughts that you think and you can choose the best ones.

The first question that I ask my thoughts is, "Is this true?" The second is, "is this helpful?" and the third is, "is this kind?" When you hear a nagging, negative thought, ask yourself, "is this kind?" Is this a kind thing to say to yourself? Would you say it to someone else? If I said this thought to my friend 10 times a day, would I be a good friend?  Would my friend want to keep being my friend? If your negative thought  says, "you're not pretty." Would you ever say that to someone else? Of course not! That would be rude. If we wouldn't say that to someone else, why would we say that to ourselves? In my conversation with my friend at Cafe 4 I said to my friend, "Can you imagine if I told you 10 times a day that no one likes you? That would be so rude!" She said, "Rob- if you said that to me- that no one likes me- 10 times a day, not only would I not want to be your friend, but that would be abusive." She was right. So often, the meanest, rudest person in your life is yourself. We say things to ourselves that we would never say to anyone else. If its not kind, then its a bad thought.

Again, the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:5 "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." I have been applying this to my negative thoughts by first identifying the thought, second, asking my thought questions, and then third, I need to replace that thought with what is true. I need to make that thought obey Jesus. Again, this is why its so important to know your identity and who you are in Christ.

For every negative thought in our minds, there is a truth from the Bible that demolishes it. The Bible tells us that God demonstrated His love for us in this, while we were still sinners, Jesus died for us. We didn't have to be enough for Him to love us. He is not waiting for us to be enough to show His love to us. We are loved by the almighty. The Bible tells us that His thoughts for us outnumber the grains of sand on the beach. The Bible tells us that we are valuable- God has a plan and purpose for our lives. We were hand-made by God and He is preparing us to do good works that He has designed just for us to do. We are effective for God- the Holy Spirit is living in me and working in me and through me. Jesus calls us friend. We are a part of the Body of Christ and just like every other part, we are important and essential to the plans that God has for the world.

It has been said that negative thoughts are like a music in a coffee shop. They are out there and they are affecting our mood and our spirit. But in this illustration, we have a pair of headphones. We don't have to listen to the music that is being played over the speakers. We can choose what we listen to. We can choose the thoughts that we think, and just like the Apostle Paul says, we should choose thoughts that are true, noble right, pure lovely admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. God has so much for all of us, but if we let these nagging thoughts discourage us, we can miss it. But when we remember who we are in Christ, we can walk in freedom.

God is love.
rev-rob

lectio divina:: john 5

 

This year I'm working through the book of John for my Bible memory. I just started John 5 and I found something that I never noticed before.

This is the story about Jesus healing a man at this mysterious healing pool in Jerusalem. The Bible says, "Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. 2 Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. 3 Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed.  5 One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. 6 When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”
7 “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”
8 Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” 9 At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked."

As I read this passage again I noticed this line in verse 6, "When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” It says that Jesus SAW the man, and He LEARNED that the man had been paralyzed there for 38 years.
How did Jesus learn this? I think that Jesus stopped and noticed this disabled man; and the He stopped and took an interest in this man- and asked Him some questions and learned about Him.

I imagine that there was a bunch of disabled people sitting around this pool- but for some reason, Jesus went up to this particular man and took an interest in him. He asked questions, he learned his story, and He helped him.

This week has been filled with images of presidents and senators- of military generals and congressmen. Celebrities have been weighing in on current events on the news. But here the highest of them all, the King of Kings took an interest in the lowest of them all, a broke, middle aged invalid. This King was not too busy for this invalid, He didn't have a meeting that He needed to be rushed off to or an interview to give on live tv; this King had all the time in the world for someone that the world saw as invisible.

Its a reminder to be observant; to look every person in the eye and to treat them as a human being. Its a reminder to never be too busy to hear, or to notice or to show compassion. That's when we partner with the Divine and bring healing to broken places.

 

God is love.
-rev-rob

lectio divina:: john 2/ the wedding at cana

I've mentioned this before, but my friend Mike has challenged me to memorize one chapter of the Bible a month. We have been working on this project for years. We did all of the New Testament letters, and we recently started the Gospel of John. I recently memorized the story of the wedding at Cana, and I come away with some new thoughts that I never discovered before:

verses 1-3 say, "On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said to him, "They have no more wine."

This interaction between Jesus and His mother makes me smile. She doesn't ask Him to fix the wine situation, she tells him that the wine ran out. All of us ask Jesus for things all of the time- and when we do, we fast, or we get on our knees, or we hold a special meeting at 5am, but when Mary asks for a miracle, she doesn't even ask- she just tells Him that the wine ran out. She assumes that He knows what she's saying.

Also, she asks for a miracle, but not for her, for the people who are hosting the wedding.

All of this leads me to a question, "how did she know that He could do it?" Had He been doing little miracles around the house? Was this leftover from when the angel spoke to her before He was born? Either way, she knew that He was the guy to fix the problem.

Verse 4 says, "Dear woman, why do you involve me?"Jesus replied, "My time has not yet come."

From the sound of things, Jesus wasn't interested in doing this miracle. But He does it anyway because of His relationship with the asker. Maybe He is one of the people that dislikes weddings. I also think its funny that He directly asks her a question and she does not answer Him. She assumes that He knows what she needs Him to do. 

Verse 5 says, " His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you."

She doesn't say, "Thanks Son! I know that you can do this!" She just looks over at the servants and says, "Do whatever he tells you."

To me, that is what the bible is talking about when it talks about faith. Zero doubt. Complete confidence.

Verses 6-7 says, "Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, "Fill the jars with water"; so they filled them to the brim."

From what I can tell, these are hand-washing jars. They were filled with gross water that was crawling with germs. I wouldn't drink out of that. But Jesus was able to redeem these hand-washing jars to hold gallons and gallons of the most choice wine. He takes what is common and dirty and uses it to hold the sacred.

verse 8-9 say, " Then he told them, "Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet." They did so, and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew."

From what I know about wine, it takes a long time to make. Everything has to be perfect for the wine to turn out right: the weather, the soil, the vines, the roots, the barrels, the wine cellar, etc; but Jesus is able to make great wine in an instant. He didn't touch the water, or talk to the water or even wave His hand over the water. He just told them to draw some of the water out. Jesus can transform hand-washing water to the choicest of wines in a heartbeat.

Not only that- Jesus gave this wedding party 120-180 gallons of choice wine. How much would that cost? It cost Jesus nothing.

When did it become wine? My guess is when they acted in faith and drew it out. I'm sure that these servants thought that He was crazy by asking them to give hand-washing water to the master of the banquet and to call it wine. But they did- and they were included on His secret. That was always His style- to share the best with the least. To give honor to those who had none.

verses 9-10 say, " Then he (the master of the banquet) called the bridegroom aside and said, "Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now."

What does the bridegroom do? Does he say, "I don't know where that wine came from!" Does he say, "I had nothing to do with that wine!" Nope- he just takes that compliment with pride. Maybe he was so drunk that he actually thought that it was his decision to bring out all of that wine.

This is my biggest take-away from this story: the master of the banquet when to the bridegroom and complimented him on the wine. The bridegroom accepted that compliment! Yet the bridegroom had absolutely nothing to do with the wine. He didn't even ask Jesus for help- Mary was the one who did that. If I were Jesus I might say, "hey now- let's give credit where credit is due..." But Jesus doesn't do that. He lets the bridegroom get credit for a miracle that He did. He didn't mind making the bridegroom look good.

I feel like I'm the bridegroom. I get a lot of credit for things that I didn't do, Jesus did them. He does a miracle, but its me that is the one who gets credited. Its me who gets the accolades. I need to remember that I had nothing to do with the miracles that He does. He has been doing amazing things in me and through me for years, and I have been content to take credit. All along it was Him.

As leaders in ministry, we are the bridegroom- we have been taking credit for the miracles that Jesus has done- and He has been happy to let us look good and to take the credit. We must always remember that its all Him. 

As ministry leaders, we are the hand washing basins- we are just vessels that bear the miraculous. Apart from Him, we aren't much. We are unclean. But with Him, we are sacred vessels.

As ministry leaders, we are the servants who follow Him in obedience- who "do whatever He says," and then we get a front row seat to the miraculous. We are the ones who risk looking like a fool; but step out in faith and participate in the service of the Messiah.

God is love.
-rev-rob

adventures in candidating part 2

 I wrote a post a few years ago called adventures in candidating. you can read it here. candidating is a church word that means applying for a pastor job. Once again, I recently found myself candidating. I ended up at the most amazing church. I recently re-read my old post, and I completely agree with everything that I said before. This time, instead of lessons, I just have stories. here are a few that stood out- I'll label them by city:

The San Jose story- I talked with a church from San Jose for a long time. I sent them videos, I filled out their forms, I talked with the head of their search committee for hours. In the end, the head of the search committee told me, "our last youth pastor was a scientist- and he talked to the students about science. they were all really interested in what he had to say. that's really what we are looking for. as I review your talks, I don't see anything about science, so its going to be a no." 

The Cupertino story- I had a pastor reach out to me from Cupertino. He was thrilled to talk to me. He told me that we had so many friends in common and that I would make an excellent addition to their team. He told me that the discipleship pastor would reach out to me. The discipleship pastor reached out to me and had me give him my life story, my call to ministry, my philosophy of ministry and the basics of my theological beliefs. Then he told me that they weren't hiring right now, but maybe someday!

The Almaden story- There is a church in the Almaden neighborhood of San Jose. They called, and I was super-excited to meet with them. I have been following this church for years and have many friends who work there. I met with one of their pastors who told me that they had several campuses and several roles open. They seemed very interested in moving forward. Another one of their pastors called me a few days later and he was very excited to talk. He knew many of my former students and thought that I would be a great fit at the church. Then I got a call from their executive pastor who said, "we actually had people lined up for each of those open roles already. its not going to work out."

The Milpitas story- a head hunter contacted me and told me that he had a gut feeling that I was the right guy for a church in Milpitas. I did a video interview with them, and they kept asking me trick questions. They gave me scenarios that were trying to get to an answer to a question that they had. This church was really into NOT having women in leadership. They asked me, "if a middle school girl came up to you and told you that she felt called to be a leader in the church, what would you tell her?" I could tell that this was a trick question and that I was walking into a trap. I said, "I could pour water on that fire, or gasoline; and I'd find all the gasoline that I could and fan that flame." Their mind was instantly made up that I was the wrong guy for the job. The recruiter was furious.

There are more stories to share, but those are some of the more prominent ones in my mind. The entire experience was an emotional roller coaster. It was incredibly frustrating and heartbreaking at times. I found many of these churches to be very unprofessional in their processes. but then, there was:

The Castro Valley Story- I met the most amazing group of leaders, students, and volunteers

in Castro Valley. I fell in love with them and I hope to stay there forever.

God is love.
-rev-rob

 

reflections on 3 months of unemployment:

 

On April 26, I received a call that I had been laid off from my job at the church in Morgan Hill. Because of the Covid-19 virus, the church had lost income and had to make cuts. So- for the 2nd time in 3 years, I was looking for a job; only this time it was during a pandemic. Churches still aren't meeting, and none of them are hiring right now. The last time I looked for a job, I had several offers, and landed in Morgan Hill after 3 very long weeks of looking. I was hoping that I would find one even faster this time- not even close. It took almost 3 months. The church that I landed at is a dream church. I keep asking myself, "is this too good to be true?" This story had a happy ending, but getting there was quite an adventure. Here are some lessons that I learned in those 3 months:

:: I have come a long way, but I have a long way to go.

I consider myself to be spiritually mature- I'm a church leader, I have been following Christ for the majority of my life; but in those 3 months I discovered that I have work to do in the areas of trusting God with my security and my fears. There were moments when the anxiety of not having a job was overwhelming. I spent many, many hours out on a trail walking and praying. I did this partly to communicate with God, but mostly to get out of the house and to distract myself from my worries.

:: God is good, all the time.

We used to say that in the old days at church. I'm reminded of it in every season of life. Through those months, we never missed a meal, never missed a bill, never went without. God provided a new job and a new church for our family. He took care of us, just like He always has and always does.

:: my family is awesome.

I got to eat 3 meals a day with my family for months. We got to go to the coast several times. We shopped for plants at the plant nurseries, because they were some of the first business to re-open. We went on walks and drives. I was anxious and a little much to be with some days, but I'm grateful for that extended amount of time with them. Deanna supported me and cheered for me. She coached me and gave me her perspective. She listened to every detail of every interview. She is amazing.

:: restoration

I binge-watched a couple of shows about shops that restore broken cars, and in a lot of ways I was restored. I had been broken down by stress, anxiety and work. Over this time I ran at least a 10k every night for months. I dropped 30 pounds. I slept in, I napped. I slowed down. I'm ready to get back in the game and am feeling better than ever.

:: my call was confirmed.

I thought about doing all kinds of different work: kids ministry, working in the business world, even being a senior pastor, but I kept coming back to my call to work with students. I could never get away from it- and I never really even wanted to get away from it. That is the job that God made me for, and I have never been more convinced of it.

:: my former boss passed away

my former boss Galen went to heaven during that time. One night I was on a walk and I was thinking and praying and I began to remember his influence on me. He did so much for me- he was so patient with me. He was so kind to me. I remembered again how much I respected him and the way that he did ministry. For the last several years of my life, he was a real father-figure in my life. I remember praying on the night that he died, and thanking God for him; and wishing that I had spent more time with him in his last years. Not long before he died we had a special conversation over Facebook expressing our mutual admiration for each other.

:: team Rob

I have mentioned these friends before. They showed up in full force during my time of need.

Niki coached me on my interviewing. She gathered an army of former students to bombard my new boss with letters of recommendation on my behalf. She mobilized her family to pray for me.

Jonathan is an expert at underemployment insurance. His phone rings off the hook all day long. Many, many people call unemployment all day, every day to try and get their benefits, but Jonathan told me, "don't worry. I'm going to take care of all of this for you."

Chuck encouraged me with words that I hope to never forget: he said, "Rob, I want you to make a list of all of the students and a list of all of the parents and leaders that you have touched with your life. And when you do, please put my name and my son's name at the very top of that list." After I hung up the phone I just cried and cried at those thoughtful words.

Chris called me every single day. He listened to the ups and downs of every interview. He kept track of those details just as well as I did.

Trent was there to give me rare insight into the new people that I was meeting because of his vast network of friends.

Josh listened to me, cheered for me, and fought for me to get hired at his church. It didn't work out, but I'll never forget the efforts that he went to on my behalf.

Jeff advocated for me to get hired at his church. He took the decision-maker out to eat and campaigned on my behalf. He generously offered to send food to our home.

Many gave my family and I very generous and thoughtful monetary gifts. I am uncomfortable receiving any kind of gift, but they wouldn't take no for an answer. I was humbled and floored.

Mike, Grace, Tricia, John, Jim and Roxanne reached out nearly every day telling me that they were praying. They asked for updates and checking in after interviews.

Team Rob- I'm not worthy. They blow me away with their love and genuine concern. I want to be that for them and for so many more.

Millions of people are out of work right now, and my heart empathizes with them. I was reading in the book of Job the other day, and found a passage that spoke to my situation so clearly that I wrote every word of it in my journal:

Job 11:13: "“Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him,  if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent,  then, free of fault, you will lift up your face; you will stand firm and without fear.  You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by.  Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety. You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid, and many will court your favor."

That's my story-
and that's my prayer for everyone searching for a job in this time of insecurity.

God is love.
-rev-rob

the alphabet of Rob:

This blog entry is basically me wasting a bit if time- this is the alphabet of your pal Rob:

A- Almaden lake park- this is the park in my neighborhood. It has a lake and running trails that I run on since the gym is closed.

B- blue Russian cats- we have 2 of these cats- Pete and Ralph. They are super cool, super-clean, and super devoted to their family.

C- Correspondence- I love to send mail and receive mail. If you know me, there is a good chance that you have received some mail from me. Its a lost art, and it has been the secret sauce of my ministry for years. 

D- DW- Deanna Walter- my high school sweetheart and favorite person.

E- Empire Strikes Back- my favorite Star Wars movie- I love all things Star Wars: every movie, every TV show.

F- Fred Rogers- I'm so inspired by Fred Rogers. He was an introvert who inspired millions by being thoughtful, caring and kind.

G- the Great Bear- my favorite coffee shop located in Los Gatos and home of the famous CCC- coffee/ chocolate/ cream milkshake.

H- Hume Lake- If I get to go this summer it will be year number 20. So many amazing ministry memories have been made there.

I- Icing on the Cake- my favorite bakery- also located in Los Gatos.

J- JW- Jane Walter. My favorite kid ever. Smartest girl in the world. puzzle genius. author and animal crossing expert.

K- Kruk and Kuip- Mike Krukow and Duane Kuiper- the announcers for the San Francisco baseball games. My favorite thing to listen to. I miss them so much this summer. I love the Giants, Oracle Stadium, and Kruk and Kuip.

L- Los Gatos creek trail- this is my favorite place to walk, to pray, to have a phone call, to work on my Bible memory. I have walked this trail thousands of times.

M- Malibu grill- my favorite restaurant. If we have not shared a meal here, we may not actually be friends. I'm concerned that it may have closed for good.

N- Niners- the San Francisco 49ers. They have been awesome, they have been terrible, but I'll always love them.

O- Otters- Sea Otters. We are obsessed with them. Whenever they are introduced to an environment, they make that environment cleaner and healthier. That's my goal too.

P- Plants- I love plants. My mother loved plants. My daughter does too. I love to water my plants and explore plant nurseries. I love to watch their progress as the grow. They are good for my soul.

Q- Quicksilver- Almaden Quicksilver Park in San Jose. This was once the world's largest Mercury mine- now it is a vast system of trails and historic buildings. I have walked every mile of the quicksilver trails and have been fairly obsessed with them ever since I learned that they were once home to the very first churches in San Jose.

R- Run the Year- seven years ago, I challenged myself to run the year, or run as many miles as the year number. this year I'm aiming at 2020 miles in 2020. that works out to about 6 miles a day. I usually run for 45 minutes to an hour at the gym, but since the gyms are closed, I have been running outdoors. This has been a great way to exercise, lower my blood pressure, lower my stress, and get some alone time to restore my soul. its also a good way to get really sweaty and sore on a daily basis.

S- salt water taffy- my favorite snack. My favorite brand is Taffy Town. I love to load up on taffy and walk the Boardwalk in Santa Cruz, Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco, Old Sacramento, or Cannery Row in Monterey.

T- team rob- this is my core group of friends who check in on me almost every day. I tell them everything. They cheer for me, pray for me and are my biggest support.

U- U2- my favorite band. I have seen them dozens of times. I have every song they have ever recorded. They have the best lyrics, best music, and best concerts.

V- Vibram 5 fingers- this are the shoes I run in every night. I have run thousands and thousands of miles in these.

W- Warriors- The Golden State Warriors basketball team. I love them so much. Not just because they are my local team, but because of how they conduct themselves, the way they play the game and the way that they have revolutionized the game of basketball.

X- X-men- I love Marvel comic books and movies and tv shows. I love talking about them and thinking about them. As a teenager, I loved the comic book shop and all of my friends loved to sit and read comic books together.

Y- Youth Ministry- this is my job, my calling, my roots.

Z- Zoos- I love to visit any place in the Bay Area that has animals. We love the SF Zoo, the Monterey Bay Aquarium, The Academy of Science and Happy Hollow in San Jose. I love bears and otters and snow leopards. I love any place that sells souvenirs.

now I know my ABCs, next time won't you sing with me?

God is love.
-rev-rob

remembering my mom on 4/22/20

While I was driving into work, I was remembering the time when Deanna and I left Modesto for a new life in San Jose. I had been working at First Baptist Church as a full time high school intern for several years. I was 24 years old. I started attending the church when I was a teenager; and the church had watched me go from being a new kid, to a regular, to a leader, to an employee, to a full time pastor that they were sending off to San Jose. It was my last Sunday, and I was to go in front of the church, say a few words and have the pastor pray for me.

 There were two morning services that day. The first service was the older service, and when they called me to the stage I went up there and said in effect, "Thank you for being my church and for helping me to get where I am, now my only goal is to make you proud of me." The pastor prayed for me, and the people clapped for me, and then I took my seat again.

The second service was the service that the students attended. Back then the church had a massive high school ministry, and all of the students would crowd into the front rows of the church. The pastor called me onto the stage, and I could hear the students cheering for me. Then I looked back at them and they were on their feet cheering for me. That moment, the entire auditorium that held thousands of people joined in with them for a long and extended time of cheering for me. I went to say my prepared speech but I was overwhelmed with emotion. So many emotions. The pastor prayed for me and then I took my seat.

That afternoon I went over to my mom's house to say goodbye before my U-Haul drove off for San Jose. I started telling her this story, but I broke down when I got to the part about the standing ovation. She broke down too. We just stood in her doorway and hugged and had a long ugly cry.

As I was driving in today, I was thinking about my mom and how she empathized with me on that occasion and on so many others. There have been many times in recent months that I wished that I could stand in her doorway and tell her a story and get a hug from her. I don't think I ever really understood how important that was for me. I think that now I am more grateful for those moments than ever.

And I'm grateful for First Baptist and the leaders who invested in me back then. And its still my goal to make them proud of me and the work that I do each day.

Hugs are hard to come by these days, but if you have someone to hug, or listen to, or empathize with, don't let that moment pass. They are gone before you know it.

God is love.
-rev-rob