"do you love me?"

in the 70's, when sesame street was just starting out, they had these little videos of a boy named john-john interacting with their muppets. super-duper-cute videos-

there is one that I often remember, that I have included below:



Grover says, "you know what john-john? I love you."
and John-John says, "you love me? ... Grover? DO YOU LOVE ME?!"
and Grover says, "yes- I love you John-John"
and John-John says, "yeah! count this penny."
and Grover says, "one."

I keep a photo of Grover and John-John on my desk- it reminds me that everyone (especially my middle school friends) have the same basic question that John-John does: "how do you feel about me? do you like me? do I annoy you? do you have time for me? are interested in me? do you care about me? do you love me?"
and when someone feels that you do in fact, like them, then we can start talking, and begin a friendship; but until that question is answered, there is no friendship or trust.

have you ever been around someone and you could tell that they didn't like you? or you could tell that they thought that they were more important than you- or that you bothered them? I know I do! you don't have a relationship with people like that.

is there someone who makes you feel appreciated? special? liked? loved? I certainly do! we trust people like that. we like people like that. we gravitate to people like that; and we need to be people like that.

you don't have to say it with your words- but you need to communicate with the people that you interact with that they are not a nuisance- you're not too busy for them- but you like that they are there- and that you like them.

I know some people that do this instinctively. and I both love them and am jealous of them because of it. some of us are not so instinctive- and we need a little coaching.

how do we do this? here are a couple ideas:
// you need to remember their name- and use it-
// you need to smile when you see them-
// you need to remember things about them and ask them about it-
// use eye-contact when you listen to them
// if its appropriate- you can greet them with a hug
// you can be excited and enthusiastic when you see them-
// you can be focused when you talk to them and not distracted- leave your phone in your pocket- and keep your eyes off of the clock.
(this is one reason why I have clocks posted everywhere- so that no one ever catches me peeking at one).

what are ways that we communicate that we don't like someone?
// talk about yourself only-
// tell them that you don't have any time to talk
// communicate that your phone is more important than the conversation
// interrupt
// sigh.
// roll your eyes.
// have low energy.
// complain about how busy you are. 
// make fun of them.
// be in a hurry to end your conversation.

the list goes on and on.

as Christians, we believe that even though God is busy running the entire cosmos that He has individual time for each of us- and that He is listening to each of us with His undivided attention. that's one of the things I love about Jesus in the gospels- how he could interact with kings and captains, but He could also give blind and mute people His undivided attention. When we ask God, "DO YOU LOVE ME?!" He always answers, "yes- I love you." and when we communicate our care and concern for others, we are being imitators of God.

here is a challenge for you and me: after each interaction with someone you work with (or live with) ask yourself: "what did I communicate to that person? did I communicate that I like them- or did I communicate that I was too important for them?" and grade yourself; and ask yourself how you can do even better the next time.

do this- and your likeability factor will skyrocket-
and so will your influence and impact.

God is love.
-rev-rob