STRONG OPINIONS FROM ROB: on swear words-

the topic of swear words has come up quite a bit over the last few weeks- I thought I would put down some thoughts about it.

we just had my mom's funeral- I made an announcement to my family members that went something to the effect of, "we will be in a church. please refrain from swearing in your sharing." did they? no.
In all honesty, I was embarrassed by it. my brother later came up to me and said, "do you think that your church-friends were offended by that language?" I said, "no. they swear in front of me all the time."

which leads me to another thought: everyone swears around me.
everyone.
like, every single person I know.
not just the PG-13 words- even the rated R ones. most of the people I hang around with either go to church or work at church. what does this mean? does it mean that I'm a safe person and people know that if they swear around me that they won't be judged? maybe they see me as a bit lower than super-pastors and feel more comfortable to swear around me? maybe they assume that they will find a swearing-buddy in me? do I look like a cusser?

when I was in middle school, I accidentally said a swear word in front of my mother. she called me out on it and I was humiliated. which is funny because neither she or my dad had any issue using swear words themselves.

I get it though. sometimes a swear-word is the perfect word for a given situation. I'm sure that there are times when swearing feels like a relief or even cathartic.

which leads me to another thought: I don't swear. ever.
I didn't swear much before I became a Christian, and it wasn't too hard for me to stop after being a Christian. I don't struggle with that at all. in a lot of ways, I think swearing is sort of a litmus test for a person's perceived commitment to Christ. when I was a kid, I would go to church and see friends from school there. for some, I would say, "I didn't know they were a Christian, but now that I think about it, that makes sense to me." for others I would say, "THAT KID is a Christian?! have you heard their words? I have a hard time believing that." I remember a time growing up when my brother brought a friend from school over to the house. I overheard my brother tell his friend that I worked at church. his friend had one question: does your brother cuss? and my brother said, "I have never heard my brother cuss." even now I listen to people's words and it gives me an indicator of where they are in their commitment to obeying God right now.

which leads me to another thought: tv is bleeping fewer words. lately the S-word is being un-bleeped on many shows. but- hey, I'm a grown-up. I can watch tv shows that don't bleep the S-word right? I was watching a show on netflix that was not bleeping the S-word. my daughter came in the room and I warned her, "there might be some swearing on this show." she asked me, "why would you even watch a show like that?" it was a good question, and I felt convicted by her words. we watch this show about tattooing and they stopped bleeping the S-word. unfortunately, that's pretty much their favorite word on the show. even though its a show about some amazing art and talented artists, I reluctantly told my kid, "I don't think we should watch this show." she gave me zero-protest. I was a little blue because its a cool show, but I was impressed with her commitment to use good words and to make good choices with the media she consumes.

I was speaking about this recently in student ministry, and a student came up to me later and told me that it was unreasonable for a Christian to not use swear words. she told me that she swears all the time and so do her friends. I see friends on facebook all the time sharing their favorite bible verse, and then the next day use profanities to describe how they are feeling or what they think about something. I heard a ministry leader use profanities on a phone call with a volunteer. now- it seems that I'm hearing more and more profanities from politicians and on the news.
it just seems out of place.
its not just unprofessional, its really a lapse in Christian obedience.

a lot has changed since I first became a Christian, and first became a Christian leader. back then Christian leaders didn't get tattoos, they didn't watch rated -R movies, they didn't drink alcohol or visit bars, and they certainly didn't use profanities. I can accept that I'm from a different time and a different generation, but I think this is beyond generational trends- there are bible verses about not using profanities and choosing godly words.

reading through this, I feel like I'm sounding legalistic or boasting about myself. I'm nowhere close to being perfect, nowhere. but does that mean we shouldn't even try? at this point, I could insert a bunch of bible verse about words, or obedience but that's not necessary.

in the end, I'm not going to start swearing. but if you swear around me, I won't freak out about it. I really believe that our words tell others about us, and like it or not, a person's words tell me about their heart.
my encouragement for my Christian friends is the same encouragement that I give to my students: chose good words. your words open or close doors for you. they are a big part of a person's first impression of you. and once our words are spoken, they can never be unspoken.

I like this one from ephesians: "do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

what if we only used helpful words? what kids of future could we create for ourselves? how many people could we bless? what would that do to our own hearts?

God is love.
-rev-rob