forty-two

i like to go for walks.
which is good,
because there are lots of places
that i can walk to from my house:
church, barnes and noble,
target, the bank, starbucks,
armadillo willy’s, the grocery store.

i bring lots of things with me on walks-
a book, an iPod, a radio to listen to the giants,
a bag of sunflower seeds,
a bottle of water.
i pack it all up in a backpack.
i’m always stopped by church people
that see me miles from my house,
by myself, wearing a backpack-
they think that my car broke down
or wonder if i ran away from home.

tonight i needed to go on a walk.
i just heard that another one of my bills
is getting bigger, while my income
stays the same.
i was kind of freaking out,
so i clipped on my pedometer
and hit the trails.

my friend called my cell phone
and asked what i was doing
and what i was planning on doing on my walk
i answered, “i have a podcast to listen to,
and the giants game is on my radio,
but instead of listening to those things,
i think i’ll just listen to the wind.”
a total introvert response,
but it was true.

i started walking through almaden lake park
and followed the trail behind winfield
along the lightrail tracks.



the sun was setting, the stars were coming out-
i could smell the fishy smell of the lake and river.
i could feel the breeze.
i was about to pray about all of things that i don’t have,
but i began to be overwhelmed by all that i do have.

i went to pray about what i lacked,
but the words that came out of my mouth were:
“… i’m…so…blessed!”
i began to be aware of the beautiful things
that i have been taking for granted.
and i began to thank God for them:

my wife
my daughter
my health
my home-
(and the fact that my little girl and wife were safe in it)
my job
my relationship with God
my friends
my relationships with my parents and deanna’s
my memories- even from earlier today.
it was so refreshing.

i eventually did get around to praying for my needs
and my friend’s and family’s needs,
but beginning from that perspective,
and by considering how much i have,
what i lacked seemed so much smaller in comparison.

over the last few months i’ve been studying
for a series of messages from the book of psalms.
on my way back i remembered a passage
that has become significant to me in recent weeks.
its from psalm 42
and it says this:
“why are you downcast, O my soul?
why so disturbed within me?
put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my savior and my God.”

it was one of those rare moments
when my circumstances
and these ancients scriptures
collided
to form a moment of clarity.

i will yet praise him.