squirrel-squabbles

before i moved to my current place, i thought that squirrels were cute. i would see one in a park or somewhere and think, “look! his eyes are all black and shiny. his tail is so fluffy. and when he eats, he holds his food in his hands and munches it!”


my current place is surrounded by trees and INFESTED with squirrels. my cat was interested in them so I ACTUALLY BOUGHT SQUIRRELL FOOD AND ATTRACTED THEM to my house! you fool!


i kept the squirrel food in an outdoor storage box/ bench. the squirrels have since chewed it to bits searching for the food.





HEY CHIP AND DALE! THE FOOD IS GONE! GO AWAY! (not entirely sure that chip and dale were squirrels).


so wen i sit in my house, i often hear te sound of squirrels chewing my bench: “crunch-crunch-crunch.”
i also hear the lovely sound of squirrels screaming at each other:





when i walk out my door, squirrels jump off of my roof (where they are currently training for some sort of squirrel Olympics) and into a tree right over my head. and then they bounce from tree to trr as far as they can and the FOLLOW ME. freaky!


you can imagine how i felt after watching the squirrel scene in willy wonka:





i’ve changed my mind about squirrels. they are no longer cute. i would never trap them or poison them, but i have been known to douse them with a super soaker or a bucket of water. i need to figure out some sort of remote-controlled-squirrel-squirter. if only data from the goonies was one of my neighbors. he could make one.