eight-years, part 2

I just got back from my ninth summer at hume lake- it was, pretty much the best week I’ve had there. great messages, great kids, GREAT staff team, and the hume staff really blew me away. this year was a little different from the others- instead of just looking after my cabin, or my group, God put it on my heart to look after anyone I could. I got to specifically encourage some youth pastors that were starving for an encouraging word from somebody, anybody.

this year was totally emotional as well. I was sitting in the coffee shop with the camp speaker and we were just talking- and then I started sharing a story (which I'll share below) and just burst into tears while telling it. I was so embarrassed. I also teared up when kids won competitions, when counselors prayed with students, and a few times when students were telling me stories from their lives. I met with the staff team on thursday morning and wanted to thank them each individually. I got to the first name and started bawling and could barely stop- I was just so grateful for each of them. what can I say? my heart is full- and when its full, joy and gratitude spill out of my eye-sockets.

I also wept when I remembered my first year at camp. we have been talking about a “displaced heart” at church lately- that’s a moment where something bothers you so much, that God calls you to a purpose and you can’t let go. I have been sure that I am called to work with middle schoolers, but I couldn’t remember having a displaced heart, until this week:

my first week at camp was in 2001. when I got there, I was so wounded. I was mad that my old church didn’t hire me. I was sad to leave my town and family, and coming from a high school ministry, I was sure that working with junior higher was the minor leagues. in addition to all of this, I wasn’t sure that I could really do well with as a junior high pastor. at my first week of hume, I was an emotional wreck (a lot like the pastors that I got to encourage this last week). there was this one moment during the week where the hume team gave the counselors the day off, while the youth pastors stayed behind with the students for a worship concert. the worship leader that week was such a cool girl. her name was Alicia. at one point in the concert, she sang a song called “you see me beautiful” (which I’m pretty sure she wrote.) I found the lyrics online. they went like this:

“you call me beautiful
you’ve poured out you love and you’ve given me life
you call me chosen
to do your good works since the beginning of time

Lord let your breath fall on me
open my eyes to see you what
you see me beautiful

you call me forgiven
you washed away the guilt of my youth
you call me victorious
you rose from the grave so i can rise too

and you don’t care what i look like
because your light in me is what makes me shine
and you call me beautiful

and I may not catch many eyes
and my looks may not be just right
but one thing i know that will always be true
is I will always be loved by you

you call me adopted
one of your children and heir to your throne
you call me beloved
you’ve captured my heart and you’ve made it your home

if I could remember all this
life wouldn’t be so hard
cause man looks on the outside
but Lord you look at my heart
and you see me beautiful”

here this girl was, singing a song about self-image, and self-worth; a song that openly admitted that she was bothered about how she looked, and jealous of others. she sang that song with tears in her eyes. I looked around the crowd and saw tears everywhere. the kind of tears that understood what she was saying. my eyes filled with tears too. I realized that I was in a room with a group of people that needed to be reminded that they are precious to the Lord. I was among people that were wrestling with self-image and self-worth;
and at that moment I knew that I had to serve these students with my life.
that was so clear to me that I wept through the rest of the concert. I couldn’t stop.
my heart was displaced for these students.
and that’s been my theme ever since: reminding students that I love them, and that I’m so proud of them, and that I’m so excited about who they are and who they are becoming.

that was the story that I told the camp speaker where bawled my eyes out. this week I was reminded of that moment, and reminded of that calling. and that calling was reignited in me all over again.

so thank you hume lake, for helping my wounded heart to heal, and for helping me to see what I’m all about.
and thanks to the greatest staff team in the world.
I love you all.