all about relationships

there has been a man from church who has been very anxious about getting his friend’s daughter involved in the middle school ministry at church. he has been e-mailing me off and on over the last week, asking me how to get her involved with the ministry. I told him to bring her by on Sunday.

yesterday he came over to middle school ministry, and again was very anxious- he wanted to make sure that we were ready for this girl to come over. he wanted to know who would be looking after her and how he could come and get her if she wanted out. his anxiety began to rub off on me and I began to scramble together some volunteers to be ready to greet this girl and host her at our ministry. the man went back to the girl’s family and got her.

when she got over to middle school ministry, she looked nervous, but I was out front waiting for her, and I had 2 staff girls with me, ready to welcome her. I’ll call her Alice for this story. The man introduced me to Alice, and I introduced her to the 2 staff girls, and she looked like she wanted to be anywhere but there- and then I heard 2 words that changed everyone’s demeanor: “hey Alice!” it was a very outgoing girl from our ministry.

I turned around and looked at her and said, “do you know her?” she said, “oh yeah- she goes to my school.” then she went over to Alice and said, “hey! is this your first time?! come on in! let me introduce you to my friends!” and off they went.

the man was relieved. I was relieved. the staff girls were literally relieved from their duty of escorting a nervous girl, and of course, Alice was relieved. she had a great time and stayed all the way to the end of the service.

it reminded me again- its all about relationships with middle schoolers. at 678, we have all kinds of cool resources and amazing volunteers, but none of those things really mattered to Alice- the most important thing to her in that moment was a familiar face and a friend who knew her name and was willing to make her feel comfortable.

I sent both girls a note in the mail today- one to Alice, thanking her for checking us out and commending her for her bravery at trying something new; and the other to the outgoing girl who welcomed her, thanking her for the way she served our church and the Lord so well.

its not just about relationships with middle schoolers- its like that for all of us. people come to jesus through a friend. some people find jesus on their own, but most people are introduced to Him through a friend- and this Easter- that friend can be you.

God is love.

-rev-rob

squirrel story 3/12

The other day I was coming home from work, and walking up my stairs, and a squirrel climbed up the tree next to my staircase at eye level. This squirrel does this often. He follows me and climbs up the tree while I climb my stairs. I feel like this squirrel is trying to mess with me. He had a nut in his mouth too. I had a rubber band around my wrist and I thought I'd send this squirrel a message- I hooked the rubber band on my finger, aimed it at his head, and released. That rubber band hit the squirrel right in his mouth and knocked the nut out of his mouth and onto the ground. He looked shocked for a second and then ran to the ground and looked for his nut; and I started laughing hysterically. And then I went downstairs too and went looking for my rubber band (it was a good one!) So there we were- me looking for my rubber band and he was looking for his nut. crazy. 

I got inside and jane asked, "what was so funny?" She didn't believe me when I told her. I don't blame her.

I have a feeling that this isn't the last I've seen of this squirrel- but I'll be ready for him...

lectio divina:: psalm 139

I’ve shared with a few close friends that I’ve recently had a struggle with anxiety. I don’t think that anyone else around me can detect it, but sometimes in my heart I freak out over things.

Over the last year I have been in the habit of pre-game coaching myself through situations that I know will be difficult. Sometimes when I feel like anxiety is rising in me, I think to myself, “its ok, its ok.” Or “settle down rob.” Sometimes I spell the word QUIET in my mind or in a whisper.

I’ve been reading a couple of great books on introversion lately, and I’m starting to wonder if anxiety is just part of how I’m wired- if it’s a tension that needs to be managed as opposed to a problem that can be solved.

The scripture-memory exercises that I’ve been doing have been good and bad for anxiety. Learning new verses, especially these really complex ones with all of these parenthetical phrases can be stressful, especially if there is a lot of noise around me; but when I’m past the learning phase and into the reviewing phase, quoting scripture- especially in solitude in the morning, can be an amazing way to chase off anxiety.

recently I was sitting in church, listening to my boss, tim speak on psalm 23. as he was speaking, he referenced psalm 139:23-24:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart;

 test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
 and lead me in the way everlasting.”

that phrase, “know my anxious thoughts” caught my attention- I have never associated psalm 139 with anxiety before. I started reviewing this verse and finding great comfort in it, and it has been something that I either quote in a whisper or in my mind when I feel anxiety rising in me- and it has been something that has snapped my mind back to reality and given me better perspective.

like a lot of verses I like to review, I think of it in parts:

when I feel anxious, instead of talking to myself, I talk to God through the psalm:

“Search me O God, and know my heart;”

 this is an invitation to God into my very heart- saying to Him, “look inside of me, listen to these fears and concerns and worries- understand me, diagnose me, search me.”

I continue- “test me and know my anxious thoughts.”

I ask God to listen in on what is freaking me out- to step into the things that are making me anxious; knowing that God is not freaking out; He is perfectly content; He is my non-anxious-presence that calms down everything around me.

“See if there is any offensive way in me,”

This is the space that I give to the Lord to reveal to my heart where I have been wrong and my opportunity to get right with Him.

“and lead me in the way everlasting.”

this is another invitation to God: “even though I’m freaking out, show me what’s the right decision to make. lead me to do what you would have me to do. move me to say what You want me to say; take me by the hand and lead me into the way everlasting.”

I pray this prayer a lot. and its been really good for me. it’s a whole new perspective- instead of talking to myself, and coaching myself, I’m praying to God and asking Him not to just settle me down, but to diagnose my problem and lead me into what’s right.

God is love.

rev-rob

a mentoring letter to myself:

I was at this conference earlier this week, and they were talking about mentoring, and someone said something that led me on to a little time of day-dreaming, and I thought to myself, “what if I could somehow, send a letter back in time to myself from now? what kind of mentoring would I have given a young youth pastor named Rob, who was fresh out of seminary, staring out in a new town and a new church?” first of all, if I COULD send myself a letter, I probably wouldn’t talk a whole lot about work; I’d probably tell myself a lot more about family, real estate, stocks, and stuff like that; but for the fun of it, I gave it some thought::

“Dear Rob-

this is a letter from you, from the year 2012. I don’t want to give away too much about your future, but I’d like to give you a few words of advice that should help you navigate the next 11 years:

:: find some friends- I know that you’re kind of a loner, but there are some wonderful people in this town that will be a huge help and support to you. when you find them, invest in them, trust them, encourage them, listen to them and cherish them. lean on them in hard times, share with them and let them pray for you. have some fun with them.

:: take care of yourself- you’re going to be tempted to work quite a bit, and that’s ok for short seasons, but look after your soul. take time for the bible and prayer, and solitude- lots of time. go on lots of walks and hikes, this place is great for that. do the things that encourage you and replenish your soul. take care of your body- I know that the Malibu grill is just down the street, but take it easy on the calories. take time with deanna, lots and lots of time with deanna! she is way more important than work and ministry!

:: invest in people- God is going to surround you with some of the most amazing people- invest in them. invest in your volunteers. get to know them and become friends with them, they will become some of your dearest friends here. invest in your bosses (you’ll have a few!) be a refreshing person for them. be easy to lead. invest in your students- the middle school ones and the college aged ones; if you stick around for awhile, you will have the chance to have enduring friendships with them with the opportunity for a lasting impact.  

:: deal with problems quickly- its been said that there are tensions that need to be managed, and problems that need to be fixed. if you discover a problem (and you will!) fix it soon before it becomes a mess.

:: get over yourself- I know you, and I know that you have the tendency to think that you’re pretty cool; and I encourage you to lower yourself and be humble. people like to be with humble people. treat everyone with kindness, respect, and dignity; everyone! seek out advice from mentors, volunteers, parents, books and friends. learn from everyone, because you don’t know it all. you don’t need to be the center of attention, and your opinion is great to you, but you don’t always have to share it. you'll see some successes, and make sure that you share them with God and your team- its not all about you! being right isn't as important as you think it is.

:: don’t worry so much- you worry a lot; and in some ways that’s ok. its ok to worry about safety, security and correct teaching. but don’t worry so much about what people think about you. don’t worry so much about the numbers or appearing smart. here is a good verse from proverbs 29: "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe." don’t worry too much about the church budget or facility- it will never be enough. don’t worry about the people who don’t like you (sorry- you’ll meet some of those). if you’re going to worry, worry about kids, and families; about integrity, health and your community.

:: have a little fun- you're too serious! laugh often. go for walks and day trips. take someone out to lunch or coffee often. be interested, no, fascinated in others. give it your very best.

Rob, I’ll be honest with you- there are some tough days ahead, but stay close to Jesus- follow Him and He will lead you into some big moments; moments so big that you’ll wonder how you got there, and if it gets any better than this. no matter what comes your way, don’t give up. don’t let anyone make you lose your cool. the joys will far outweigh the tough spots. you’re going to make it.

-rob”

P.S. if you should ever get the idea of renting a woodchipper to use at a youth event…

never mind…go for it! it will be a good story someday!”

God is love.

-rev-rob

youth sponsors

if you work in a youth ministry, or have worked in a youth ministry, or have been in a youth ministry, what do you call the volunteers? I think about this stuff. there are lots of titles to give them, and all create a word picture of what their role is. here are some examples-

:: volunteer- this word has some pros and cons. the pros are that everyone knows WHO you’re talking about when you’re talking about “the volunteers.” I don’t like this title because it can be used negatively. for example, one time I asked one of my volunteers for a more regular attendance and commitment and they replied, “what do you expect? I’m just a volunteer.” (our relationship didn’t last long). I don’t like this title because the people who serve in ministries are way more that JUST volunteers.

:: staff- this is my go-to title for volunteers. I often refer to my team and the middle school staff. this creates an idea that these people have a position of authority- but it can be confusing, because some people from an older generation think of the “church staff” as the PAID staff. this got me in trouble recently when I said in a meeting, “the middle school ministry has the best staff in the world!” it made it sound like I was calling MYSELF the best middle school staff pastor in the world, which I wasn’t trying to say…well, not really…

:: leaders- I have heard this used quite a bit. I like this title because it communicates who the people are and what they do. I think it creates confusion about WHAT they lead. small groups? the ministry? who is the leader? are we all the leader? I may be over thinking it, but its still a good title that I should probably use more.

:: counselors- in ministries that are really into camp, they usually use this. camp almost always refers to volunteers as counselors. I like this because it creates a sense that this group of people are there for individual relationships and counseling. whenever I hear ministries use this title, it always sounds a little outdated, but it’s a good word to describe what the people are there to do.

I’ve heard a few other names that are a little wonky to me- facilitators, shepherds, servants, mentors and others. the other night I was talking to this middle school dad who grew up in the early days of youth ministry. he was telling me about one of our mutual friends who was his leader when he was in middle school and he said, “yeah that guy was my sponsor all the way through high school.” I have heard that title used a lot by an older generation. I have always felt like it sounds off, but in that conversation, it sounded so comforting-

:: sponsor- it sounds like a person who is dedicated to another person- who is there to see you through a tough time, an advocate, a cheerleader, a supporter. when my friend said that, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “what a cool title for a staff person!”

whether you are a staffer, or a volunteer, or a counselor, or a leader, or a youth sponsor, give it your best today. whatever your title is, make sure you know what your role is- to shepherd kids toward jesus. I like how paul puts it in 1 thessalonians 2:8:

“We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.”

here is a picture of me and a couple of guys who invested me:

did you have a sponsor when you were a kid? take some time today to pray for that person, and send them a thank you for investing in you in a time when you needed it the most.

God is love.
-rev-rob

my take on rick warren-

I’ve been thinking a lot about Rick Warren lately. One of my friends used to work closely with Rick Warren, and he tells me stories about amazing this guy and his church is. He also gave me this book about his life. I’ve read Rick Warren’s books, and have heard him speak a few times. I have visited his church and even got to meet him once. I have always had a big respect for him, but after reading this biography about him and hearing stories about him, I come away with a whole new admiration of him. here are a few of the things I respect the most:

:: his capacity- rick warren runs a huge church, plus a network of pastors, plus several charities, and still seems to have room to tweet, and interact with people as though he were not hurried at all-

:: his friendliness- I have heard it said that rick warren can meet with the president of a country, and then a busboy at a restaurant and treat them both with the same level of kindness, interest, and respect. he has friends on the left and on the right and from all walks of life-

:: his message- a lot of people want to be famous or influential, but few have a message that is as concise and as accessible to as many people as Rick Warren.

:: his intellect- rick warren is a genius. he goes through at least a book a day and can converse with anybody about anything and at a high level. he is extremely curious and loves learning.

:: his faith- if you ever read through the story of how he planted his church and how he acquired the property, you’ll discover that he is a man who believes that God can do anything.

:: his humility- I have heard Rick Warren often speak of how he was given a simple honor by a fellow pastor, and that honor brought him to tears. when you’re that successful and that humble, it’s a rare combination.

:: his generosity- Rick Warren seems to have coined the phrase “reverse-tither” where he lives off of 10% and gives away 90%. most of that goes to AIDS victims in africa.

:: his contentedness- his book the purpose driven life is possibly the best selling book of all time- and yet he did not buy a new house or even a new car after its release.

:: his character- it takes a special man to point attention away from himself and onto Christ and onto the people who are hurting in the world. it takes a special person to say no to riches and fame for the sake of others. it also takes a special character to be put in the spotlight and to be found with integrity.

I used to think it would be cool to have a church like Rick Warren, or a book, or notoriety like him, but I don’t really want any of that. what I would like is the qualities I’ve listed above. I’m not asking God to make me a super-star pastor or author, but if He wanted to make me into something like that, I would want to have the character that could survive that kind of attention and money.

and that’s what I’m after these days.

God is love.

-rev-rob

photobooth pics of dad and jane:

jane's geek out's of 2012:

Yesterday I wrote about the things that I geek out on, today I'd like to share some of the fun things that my 7-year-old Jane particularly loves:

:: hello kitty
We have hello kitty everything- especially tiny little figures and the houses that they live in. Sometimes all of the houses and kitties get together in the living room to form a kitty-city.

:: the color pink
Everything is pink in Jane's world.

:: cherry lollipops
Her candy of choice.

:: Calico Critters
These little figures used to only be sold in local toy stores like wooden horse- now you can find them in Toys r Us and Barnes and Noble. She loves them.

:: roller-coasters
She's a ride-warrior. She'll ride those all day long at Great America, the boardwalk, Happy Hollow and sometimes Disneyland.

:: Nintendo DS
She plays little kid games on this for long stretches at a time. Gamer.

:: Santa Cruz KOA
My kid likes coasters and camping. Did she get any of my genes?! She would rather go here than Disneyland!

:: Toy Story
We've seen these movies a trillion times. They have influenced an upcoming series for 678 called 'I am His.' She could quote those movies from start to finish-

:: bookstore cats
Most used bookstores have a very lazy and friendly cat that lives in them. While dad is browsing the local history section, Jane is usually charming the bookstore cat with conversation and head-scratches. She makes an effort to ask each bookstore owner if they have a cat, what the cat's name is and where the cat can be found. The cat on the right is Bob who lives a Recycle Books in Campbell.

:: TV-
Jane loves the strangest shows: Wipeout, Wheel of Fortune and America's Funniest Home Videos. She watches a bunch of kid-shows too.

:: books!
She likes quite a few books about pigs: the Elephant and Piggie books by Mo Willems, Mercy Watson books by Kate DiCamillio, and of course, Amanda Pig books by Jean Van Leeuwen!

:: a few others include:
french fries, dairy queen and her name in print- all of these things are super-cool according to my kid.


Being a dad is fun.
-rob

homemade toys:: amanda pig and lollipop figures

rob's geek-outs of 2012:

I'm always looking for a good ice-breaker question. My latest go-to is "what do you geek-out on?" Or in other words, "what is that subject that you are fascinated with; that once you start talking about, you can't stop?" I find that this is a great way to learn about someone.
Here are about 10 things that I currently geek out on in no particular order. If you know me well or read this blog these won't be a big surprise to you.

:: U2
I love these guys. I have all of their albums. I have every book ever written about them. I've lost count how many times I've seen them live. I love going to U2 shows because its an arena full of people just like me- geeking out on the best band ever. Its like coming home to my home town. We all seem to understand each other and speak the same language. We have shared history.

:: local history
I love to know the stories of how streets got their names and who were the first people in town and what brought them here. I love hearing about where they shopped and worshipped and lived. I have been fascinated with the histories of Modesto, San Jose, New Almaden, Los Gatos, San Francisco, the gold country and the beautiful golden state of California. I spend much time and effort collecting and reading local history books, and visiting their sites and museums. Used book stores always have the best local history books. One of my favorite shows about California history is California's Gold with Huell Howser.

:: kindles
I'm a kindle-evangelist. I have an original kindle, the kindle fire, and kindle for blackberry. Its a very enjoyable way to read a book. I recommend them often and often find myself talking about them a little too much.

:: 1st century biblical history
I love the story of the apostles, the early church and the land and culture that the church was born into. I also love the story of the Maccabees and the time in between the old and new testaments of the bible. If there is a book, documentary or podcast that focuses on these times, cultures and characters, I either have it, seen it or heard it. One of my favorite shows about biblical archaeology and the 1st century is the N*ked Archaeologist on the History Channel. I'm a geek for this stuff.

:: hardware and fixing stuff
I enjoy hardware stores, and I enjoy using tools to fix or upgrade something. I find myself just wandering in hardware store and checking out all of the cool things and options that they have. I love watching shows about fixing and building things, especially New Yankee Workshop with Norm Abram.

:: Local options for kids
When I meet a dad who is new to San Jose I usually start telling them about all of the great options for kids in the South Bay- and I can tell that my enthusiasm is a little overwhelming. I geek out on cool spots like Children's Discovery Museum, Bay Area Discovery Museum, Happy Hollow, Gilroy Gardens, the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, Oak Meadow Park and the Jungle. All of these sites are a delight to families and have their own rich histories.

:: Disneyland
Disneyland is fascinating. Its history is fascinating. I love to go there with my family, and I love learning the secrets and stories behind every detail.

:: TV-
I've mentioned a few shows already- but 2 show that I seriously geek out on (and are unfortunately no longer on the air) are Heroes and Alias. I've seen every episode of those shows; and when I saw them live, they always left me breathless.

:: Movies-
I barely see any movies. I'm not opposed to them, I just rarely make time for them. There are a few movies that particularly interest me, and I enjoy learning about them: Raiders of the Lost Ark, Mary Poppins, any of the Star Wars movies, and Goonies.

:: Dr. Seuss
This guy is so talented and profound, it makes me both awestruck and jealous. I use his material often in my teaching to the students.

:: the book of romans
there is a quote out there from Martin Luther that every Christian should memorize the book of romans and quote it every day. I'm with Martin on that one (we agree on some other things too).

:: a couple of cool guys-
Elvis Presley-
and
Fred Rogers
I love these guys. Once I start talking or reading about either of them, its hard to stop.

I've geeked out on a bunch of stuff over the years, but this is my list right now. I love discovering something new to geek out on. I guess that makes me a little geeky. What about you? Do you have a blog? How about you make your list of geek-outs and share them with me? Send me a link to your list in the comments section below. (Sorry if its a pain to leave a comment- I was getting a bunch of dirty-ads in the comments!)
Geeks are cool!

God is love.
-rev-rob