church//gym: entry 11

the other day i was on the exercise bike, and gary was on the elliptical behind me. this old lady walks into the room and starts checking in on everybody. she says, “hey janet, how is your sister?” “mike, how is your job?” “gary, how are your dizzy-spells?” he said, “i’m fine.” she says, “are you really feeling fine or are you lying to me?”
i was shocked.
so was gary.
she said, “hey- i’m just looking out for you!”
and to me that reminded me of some thoughts about accountability.
i’m all for friends keeping each other accountable.
i’ve had a bunch of friends over the years keep me accountable.
it’s a great thing.
and she is right-
it is a sign of love-
and it only works if everyone chooses to be honest.
but it also only works if it is in a spirit of love and confidentiality.
for her to ask gary those questions in front of everyone
showed that her questions were more about her than they were about him.


it also showed that you can’t just keep anyone accountable-
you need to make a friendship-
and an agreement-
and a pact built on trust-
that is when your questions are welcome and earned.


you really can’t sniff around in someone else’s life
unless they have given you that freedom,
and you have given that freedom to them.