leadership reflections 5/25

I’ve been reading 2 samuel these days, and I’ve been noticing something about this guy, king david: he doesn’t seem to be comfortable with confronting those close to him. he has no problem killing the man who claimed to have euthanized saul (2 Samuel 1). he has no problem declaring war on nabal for not feeding his men (1 Samuel 25), and he didn’t seem to mid getting rid of goliath, or all kind of philistine soldiers; but he can’t seem to confront those close to him.

example 1: Saul. saul tried to kill him several times, but david spared his life twice. but this doesn’t really count, because saul was the king, and david wasn’t- even though he had been crowned king long before saul died. result? Saul kept on chasing david until he was killed in battle. david never returned home until Saul was dead- he even joined the philistine army!

example 2: Joab- commander of David’s army. one of saul’s leaders, abner defected to David’s side (2 Samuel 3). David enlisted him in his service- and Joab made sure that abner knew who was in charge of the military by stabbing him. so David mourned for abner- told the people to mourn for abner, and then cursed Joab. he did all of these things, but he never confronts him or fires him. the result? joab keeps on killing anyone who gets too close for comfort.

example 3: amnon- david’s son. amnon rapes one of david’s daughters, tamar. another one of david’s sons is furious, but david doesn’t do a thing about it. the result? Absalom kills amnon in front of david’s other sons.

example 4: Absalom. david never confronted Absalom for amnon’s muder. but Absalom was still afraid of him,, so he ran into exile, and david let him run. joab convinced him to bring him home,, and david did, but he did not speak to him for two years. the result? Absalom ignited a rebellion against david and temporarily ousted him from his throne.

confrontation is no fun. especially when its someone close to you like a co-worker or a relative. but it is an important part of a leader’s role. and when people close to us, and under our responsibility, do something wrong, its up to us to react to it. if we don’t, who will? and if we don’t, what other damage could result? with david, it looked like he just didn’t care- and that outraged his son Absalom and fueled the fire of his anger. when we as leaders don’t react, it gives the impression that we don’t care- and that can make other people that we love and lead angry- and can lead to even more drama and pain. david seemed to be alright with receiving criticism (psalm 51), but confronting others wasn’t on his screen, and he endured all kinds of pain because of it.