unfriendliness is a weakness.

i was reading wide awake, by Erwin mcmanus, and he mentioned two books by tim sanders, and of course, i picked them up. i’m almost finished with the first one, the likeability factor. this is a fascinating book- and i recommend it to everyone. he basically claims that success is dependent on the choices of others- and choices are based on likeability more than anything else. people who are likeable do well, and people that aren’t don’t.


the book goes on to give strategies to improve likeability (all of these can also be found in the pages of scripture); the first and most important element to enhance likeability is friendliness (duh). and one of the primary ways to improve friendlieness is to rid unfriendliness from your life (again, duh.) but this is where it gets good. he writes something that puts into words something i’ve been trying to put into words for awhile. he says this:


“unfriendliness is a weakness. every time you’re unfriendly with someone, you’ve experienced a failure to control yourself."


"friendliness is a strength. when you’ve been friendly, you’ve been strong. you’ve flexed your friendliness muscles. challenge yourself to maintain friendliness despite the stimuli around you. don’t succumb to the weakness of unfriendliness. make it a matter of pride.”


sadly, i have seen way too many see unfriendliness as a sign of strength. i’ve seen way too many people treat others with unfriendliness and walk away thinking that they displayed strength or somehow did what was right. i've seen way too many people think that they had the right to be unfriendly because they were in a position of power. when in reality, their actions prove that they are powerless over their own emotions. “unfriendliness is a weakness. every time you’re unfriendly with someone, you’ve experienced a failure to control yourself.”


if you can walk away from a stressful situation where someone “below you” disappoints you or frustrates you and you can still be friendly/ polite, you are the strong one.


friendliness is not a sign of weakness or tolerance for disrespect. i think that this is what jesus was getting at when he told us to turn the other cheek and to give up our cloak. when we are in control of our emotions, we are the strong ones, not the bullies in our lives. friendliness is a sign of strength. so be strong, be friendly, “make it a matter of pride.”


seriously, pick up this book. you won’t regret it.