wow! its been a long time sisnce my last blog. I've been crazy-busy I guess. either that, or just not really inspired by much; either that, or just too distracred to take the time to put inspirational thoughts into the computer.
I still have not eaten fries in 2009! although, I have enjoyed some tater tots, onion rings, and some hashbrowns. but do those even count as fries? I'm on pace to get my 250 workouts before the year is up too.
my car broke AGAIN last night- there goes another $500.
work is a blast- the middle school volunteers are amazing and so are the students. we painted the youth room! it looks awesome- kind of like the cover of this book:
jane reminds me every day that she is less than a month from turning FIVE. here is another one of her funny stories with some serious sound effects at the end:
there is a story in luke 7 that is fascinating and heartbreaking at the same time. in verse 36 jesus is having dinner with a Pharisee named Simon; and this is fascinating in itself. 2 men who are experts in the bible- both had it memorized and they are sitting down for a meal. what were they talking about? what did they say? were they debating a particular passage? wouldn’t that be amazing to sit in on that meal?
an “immoral woman” came over and started pouring perfume on jesus, and she was crying, and she was wiping the dust off of his feet with her tears and her hair- which makes for an awkward moment for Simon the Pharisee. I think we have all been in situations like this: we really want to talk to someone important, and we want them to be impressed with us and our knowledge, but they are distracted with something else. (maybe that’s just me.)
Simon is offended not only by the distraction, but by WHO is doing the distracting. after all, Simon is a Pharisee. he is perfect when it comes to obeying the Bible. and he deserves to have some time with the messiah- but this lady? she is far from perfect. in Simon’s mind, she is gross. so he says, “ff this man were a prophet, he would know what kind of woman is touching him. she’s a sinner!”
I love jesus’ response. verse 40: ““Simon, I have something to say to you.” how cool would that be? not only having dinner with jesus, and talking about the bible with jesus, but now he has something to say to YOU! what would he say? would he congratulate him on a good outburst? give him a blessing?
he says, “a man loaned money to two people—500 pieces of silver to one and 50 pieces to the other. but neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. who do you suppose loved him more after that?”
is this a trick question? a riddle?
Simon says, ““I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.”
then Jesus says, “that’s right.” then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, “look at this woman kneeling here. when I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. you didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped kissing my feet. you neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume. “I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. but a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.”
so jesus basically says, “she was forgiven a lot, so she loves me a lot, and you have been forgiven a little so you only love me a little.” but is he really saying that?
when you think about it, the only real difference between the woman and simon, in terms of forgiveness is that the woman knows that she has been forgiven much. Simon only thinks he has been forgiven for just a little, but in reality, his sins are just as bad as hers, because sins are sins- and they both cost Jesus the cross.
so the woman loves jesus much, because she recognizes that she has been forgiven much- and simon loves jesus just a little because he is under the impression that he only sinned a little.
that’s what makes this story heartbreaking for me. because as I put myself in the story- I’m simon. I’m cool. I want to chat with jesus, but I’m not weeping at his feet. there was a time when I was weeping at his feet, but as time goes on, I’m more cool than emotional. and maybe the issue isn’t necessarily that I’ve got it all together, maybe the issue is that I have forgotten just how much He has forgiven me.
they say that you shouldn’t dwell on the past- and that’s true. but you shouldn’t go and forget about it all together either. when we remember just how much Jesus has rescued us from and just how filthy we are without him, it will put us on our knees and in tears.
so maybe spiritual passion and remembering your testimony are linked together. and maybe all of us (meaning the 3 people that read my blog) should take the time to remember that no matter how long we have been saved, or how much we have grown, our sins still cost Christ the cross- and that we have been shown so much grace.
one of the things that’s been unique about me as a youth pastor is the amount of hand-written mail that I send out to students and adults. when the group was much smaller (and I had more time) I used to send a card to every student, every week. now its an all day event just to write a note to each staff person. I always try to write a thank you to every student that visits for the first time. I also like to include a little gift in each envelope; its usually a sticker of our ministry’s logo. students love it, parents love it, and it really helps me to connect names and faces.
last sunday, I was upfront, telling students to fill out their welcome cards and I said, “if this is your first time, make sure to clearly write down your address and I’ll send you a note with some stickers.” a voice rang out: “I want some stickers!” “no.” I said. “you have to come for the first time to get stickers!” another voice rang out: “you sent me stickers when my dog died!” I said, “yeah- how many of you have ever received stickers in the mail from me?” about a quarter of the room raised their hands. the other three quarters were furious. I said, “ok. if you write your address clearly, and you write ‘send me stickers’ on your card, I’ll send you some stickers.” paco laughed at me and told me that I was going to have to send out 100 cards. it was only 33. 33 students asked me to write them a letter and give them a sticker. I knew it was going to take awhile, so I got on it right away. back when I would send everyone a card, I couldn’t always think of something to say, so I would just personalize Ephesians 2:10 with a student’s name. and I did that today, 33 times.
“Kayla is God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for her to do.”
“Austin is God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for him to do.”
“Sarah is God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for her to do.”
“Jonathan is God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for him to do.”
as I wrote that phrase over and over, it dawned on me how true that statement is; and how God has an amazing dream for every student; and that He has been planning good works for them since before they were born.
and it reminded me of how important parents, and leaders, and ministers are in shepherding students and helping them to uncover the gifts that God has given them; and to help them to say no to the things that would derail His dreams; and to inspire them to keep going, even when its difficult.
so today, I intended to encourage others, but it was me who walked away inspired. do someone a favor today: write them a handwritten note or card; I bet you that they’ll keep it for a lot longer than it takes you to write it and send it.
one time, when I was an intern in modesto, I went to a U2 show in Oakland. I went to the merchandise counter, and I saw a really cool shirt with U2’s guitarist The Edge standing with one foot in the air. I looked all over for a photo of it, but I couldn’t find it. he had his hands in the air and looked like he was doing kind of a funny monster walk. I loved the shirt, so I bought it.
but, the funny, monster-pose-picture wasn’t on the front of the shirt, it was on the back! on the front of the shirt was bono kneeling and smoking!
so I had this shirt that I really liked, but felt that it was somewhat inappropriate. so I never really wore it. except for one night. I made a quick run to wal-mart. and wouldn’t you know, I ran into the senior pastor of my church! we chatted for a few minutes, and the whole time, I kind of crossed my arms over bono’s face. we said goodbye and walked away, and then my pastor stopped and said, “oh rob! one more thing!” “what does he want to tell me,” I wondered; “does he want my advice for an upcoming sermon? does he want to compliment me on a job well done?” he smiled and said, “nice shirt;” then turned and walked away.
ugh! caught wearing a smoking shirt at walmart! no wonder they didn’t hire me.
I was reading Mark 5 this morning and I discovered something new. jesus goes into jairus’ house to heal his daughter. when jesus finds the girl, she is already dead. verse 41 says, “He took her by the hand and said to her, "Talitha koum!" (which means, "Little girl, I say to you, get up!" ). Immediately the girl stood up and walked around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished.” for some reason, Mark throws her age in there, which I find fascinating. the girl is 12. she is a middle schooler. when jesus speaker to her, He calls her, “little girl.” even jairus, her father, refers to her as “my little daughter.” at 12 years old, she’s not that little! she’s probably kind of tall. but jesus calls her little girl. when He looks at her, she is innocent and precious.
we don’t refer to 12 year olds as little girl anymore. now they’re in make-up, and dyed hair and tight clothes- they’re more like young ladies than little girls. but what if the world saw 12 year olds as little girls? they might be spared some of the mess that they have to deal with. what if middle school ladies saw themselves as little girls? they might avoid the drama and pain of the middle school years. and they might slow down their mad rush into adulthood.
when jesus looks at a junior high girl, she isn’t a small woman; she is a little girl. she is innocent, pure, precious- and she should be looked after and protected! she ought to be treated gently and with care. and the rest of the world should follow His example.
back when I was blogging on myspace, I wrote blogs on how my college students are like junior highers, and how the seniors group at church are like junior highers, but lately, I’ve been noticing just how much I’m like a junior higher-
1. I’m insecure. I find myself wanting other people’s attention. I find myself trying to impress others or wishing that they will ask me for my opinion, or hoping that they will be impressed with me. and just like a junior higher, I need to remember that God loves me perfectly and accepts me right now. I need to remind myself that the God of the universe gives me His undivided attention whenever I look for Him, and that if I’m alright with Him, I don’t need anyone else’s attention or approval.
2. I’m emotional. I shed my share of tears. I get too angry over things that aren’t worth it. My day can go from awesome to horrible in an instant. and just like a junior higher, I need to be patient, and slow to anger; I need to bring my heartbreaks to God, and allow Him to heal my heart.
3. I’m changing. my friends in middle school are going through so much change, and it wreaks havoc on them. I’m not much different. my daughter is moving from baby to kindergartner, and I can stop it. my job is evolving. my parents are getting older; I’M GETTING OLDER. just like a junior higher, change bothers me. it makes me worry about the future. and just like a junior higher, when everything is changing, I need to cling to He who doesn’t change.
I’m like a junior higher; because sometimes my heart is fragile. and sometimes I make decisions that I haven’t really thought through. and sometimes I’m just overwhelmed by all of the pressure and stress that are in front of me. and just like a junior higher, I’m loved. I am loved by God, my family and friends. I need a place to share my heart. and I need friends that will pray for me. I need people that can lead me and help me make wise decisions. and sometimes I just need to be reminded that I’m ok and that if I stay close to God and let Him direct my path, I’m going to make it. sometimes I need to be reminded that tough times don’t last forever, and this too shall pass.
I’m like a junior higher, because I have potential. and God has a dream for my life. and I still think that candy, laughter, and time with my friends are the greatest things in the world.
so yeah, I’m a lot like a junior higher; maybe that’s why God put me with them and them with me. and maybe that’s why I enjoy them so much.
when I was in high school, maybe junior year, my pastor marvin invited me to be a part of a class that he was teaching. the class was for his “star-kids” and he was teaching them how to prepare and deliver a sermon. the class didn’t last long, because the “star-kids” didn’t take it very seriously, and he didn’t seem to have the time for it; but I found it fascinating while it lasted.
I really only remember preparing 2 sermons- our first one was to be on mark 1. we had to read the passage, use any study materials that we could find, and talk on the section that we found to be the most meaningful. there was about 8 boys in the class, and they all picked different parts of the chapter. I chose the section in Mark 1:40-45, where jesus heals a man with leprosy; and it became my very first sermon. I still remember it well-
I talked about the parallels between sin and leprosy. I didn’t know much about the disease (I still am not an expert,) but I knew enough. I made the following points. :: sin is like leprosy because it destroys. leprosy eats away at flesh, but sin eats away at our soul.
:: sin is like leprosy because it isolates. lepers were isolated in leper colonies and were not to be touched because leprosy was thought to be highly contagious. sin isolates too. it makes us hide. it makes us numb; it makes us avoid community and contact with others.
:: sin is like leprosy because it warps. leprosy left a person disfigured and gross, and sin makes our hearts disfigured, warped and perverted.
:: sin is like leprosy, because there is no cure. you can’t make it go away. once you have it, you have it until it completely destroys you.
and then I talked about the leper himself. he lived in isolation. he was deteriorating right in front of everyone’s eyes. he had not been touched by another human being in a long, long time. the leper says something to jesus that I still find heartbreaking. in verse 40 he gets on his knees and says to jesus, “if you are willing, you can make me clean."
in a sense he says, “jesus, I can see why You wouldn’t want to touch me. I can understand why You would want to avoid me. but I believe that if you would just touch me, I would be made whole again.”
the reason that I chose this section, and why I found this so heartbreaking is that I was a brand new Christian at the time; and Jesus had just rescued me from a condition that was eating away at my soul, and I was the leper. I could relate. I said the same thing to Jesus, just months earlier. just like the leper, I said, in a sense, “jesus, I can understand why You wouldn’t want to be near me. I know I'm gross. but I believe that if you would come near me, that I would be healed and whole again.”
jesus’ response to the man still brings tears to my eyes. it says, “filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "be clean!" immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured.” jesus was willing to touch a leper when no one else would; and jesus was willing to come near me- even though both the leper and I were gross and unworthy.
and that led me to my last point:
:: sin is like leprosy-because the only cure for the both of them is jesus.
I would love to say that my message sparked revival through the preaching class, but honestly, "the star-kids" in the class giggled and passed notes through the whole thing. maybe God was secretly preparing me to work with junior highers.
my pastor did ask me to give my message to our youth group- and they didn’t seem all that impressed either; but I was impressed. not with myself, but with the compassion and grace and love of jesus. so whenever I start to think I’m something special, I remember that leper, and that 17 year old kid from modesto- both who were healed by a touch from the Messiah.
today was my first day back at work after over seven weeks of being out of the office. I barely slept last night. my mind was spinning and rehearsing how the morning might go. when I got into my car I thought to myself, “I’m feeling so happy right now- and hyper!” I was so excited to be back with the middle school ministry staff and students. Over the last few weeks, I have learned and re-learned a few things about myself:
1. I love my family. Deanna and I celebrated 13 years of marriage over my break. we started dating when we were 17- and we have now been together for over half of our lives. I can’t imagine life any other way. jane is growing up so fast. she is getting so tall and surprises me every day with her growing vocabulary. she always knows how to get a laugh out of me. it was so great to get some extended time with Deanna and jane.
2. I love my job. middle school students are the coolest people in the world. they aren’t too cool to be around adults, and they are so open to learning what the bible says. they were all so gracious in welcoming me back this morning. this morning I was walking through the halls of church and greeting many friends that I haven’t seen in weeks and helping guest find their way- and all along, I could hear the worship band sining, “better is one day in your house than thousands elsewhere…” that line had never sounded truer than in that moment.
3. I’m called to work with middle schoolers. this was reaffirmed in me at camp. and my passion for working with these students and their families has never been stronger. I hope that I can continue to work with middle schoolers for years and years to come.
4. I’m kind of a work-a-holic. I spent the first 2 weeks of my break writing future messages. if I wasn’t with jane, I was writing or studying. I also attended several meetings, answered every e-mail and voice-mail. I could have done a lot better at resting, and I think that everyone who knows me knew that I would have a hard time slowing down.
5. solitude replenishes my soul. I knew this already, but I was reminded of this over my break. even though I cherish times with my family and friends, I don’t mind being by myself. its good for me every now and then to spend a day or so in silence and solitude. I must have logged 50 miles in solo-walks over my break.
6. I like books, but only to a point. going into my break, I had a stack of books that I wanted to read, and I read them all. when I ran out, I got some more. when I ran out of those, I went to barnes and noble and looked through every single aisle looking for just one book that looked like a good read. I couldn’t find a single one. my eyes were so tired from reading, and the thought of reading an entire book made me feel ill. so I picked up a copy of rolling stone magazine and have been thumbing through it for the last week or so.
7. I live in the best part of the world. I would have traveled but why? is there better weather somewhere else? is there more for kids in another part of the state? san jose has the best of everything!
the fall is here- and it will be a busy one; but I’m ready for it. thanks again to the (678) staff and paco for not just holding things together, but advancing and growing the ministry in my absence. and thanks to venture for the time off. hopefully I can stick around for another 4 years to enjoy this again!
I heard a version of this message while in preaching class in seminary. I have been thinking about it ever since. its somewhat long, but I hope you are blessed by it.
the church//gym just wasn’t working for me. its closed A LOT. (wednesday nights, saturday nights, all day sunday plus every day between 12 and 3). and its pretty far away. so I signed up at a new gym today. its closer. and its open all the time, and its not very expensive. but it is different.
when i walked in tonight, I didn’t know anyone. I didn’t know where the locker room was, and I didn’t know how to use the machines. and it was really crowded. the church//gym had a strict dress code. my new gym doesn’t. as I was exercising, I started thinking about how everything was different- and once again, I was reminded of conversations I’ve had at church.
our church is on the bigger side. people often check it out when their church isn’t working for them anymore. and they often point out all that’s different. they tell me that the music is too loud, or that the crowd is unfriendly, or that its too crowded. I've been told that the church is too big, and that the church is too small; that the music is too new, and that its not new enough. I've been told that the middle school ministry is too wild, and that its not wild enough. guests have noticed that we do communion differently or prayer time differently, or that there isn’t a cross where there should be one. and they can forget that even though the music is different, it’s the same Lord that we sing to. even though the message is different, it’s the same scripture that inspires it; and even though the Lord’s supper is different, it’s the same cross that we celebrate.
I was thinking about that as I exercised tonight. even though my new gym is more crowded, the weights are still heavy. the machines still make me sweat, and my iPod plays the same songs in my ears while I work out. there are actually a lot of things that are different that I’m looking forward to exploring: like new classes and routines. at my old gym, I know everyone; at my new gym, I know no one. but that’s ok. I’ll make new friends, I’m sure. different and new isn’t bad. its just different and new.
I don’t know if you will ever have the need or the desire to investigate a new church; but if you do, focus on what you know, and why you’re there; everything else will come in time. different and new isn’t bad. its just different and new.
